pre-Graduation and a personal accounting

Today I just took the last undergraduate exam of my earthly existence. Or at least as an undergrad. Last one that counts, anyway. You see, I had come down ill and feverish this past Shabbos with a severe case of Senioritis (Lat. "an inflammation of the Senior"), and was consequently unable to study or retain any information. My brain was fogged with Peirs Anthony and LE Modesit Jr., and if I could have gotten my hands on it, George R.R. Martin, whose name is almost as cool as J.R.R. Tolkien. I should mention at this time that my family has a history of ADD –can you tell? -- (my sibling got un-timed testing on the SATs, her condition was so debilitating...and she proved herself when she got an 800 on verbal); it manifests itself with me, in how I read. It means I love reading books that have twists and turns and cliffhangers. Educational reading, intellectual materials, all these are the grist of a healthy mental diet, high in fiber and anti-oxidants, that can potentially put me to sleep. I take breaks every 20 minutes or so in order to 'recharge' my attention-tolerance, and retain what I read. So, because I didn't study, I bombed right through this test; this apathy embarrasses my academic devil on the left shoulder. What's wrong with me?-type Hollywood self-blame-complexes tempt me, but only because the concept is funny, like The Onion headlines; I’m not so melodramatic. Sometimes it scares me, since I will depend upon my love of the intellectual pursuits in life (Jewish Studies and Philosophy in particular) to make my contribution to the world. And everyone knows you have to love what you do, so apathy is not what the doctor ordered! Still, I'm not so worried by a tad bit of burnout, since I have been pushing myself very much this year, and I am glad to see the pressures go. So, I will be graduating, giving my parents much Nachos, and I assume I'll have one of those disconnecting moments when I receive my degree, realize I don't feel any different, and that the degree is just a piece of paper. [Moreover, I don't get my degree until I finish two papers for Brill, always a nerve-racking joy; gilu bir'ada. It's hard to take criticism for thoughts labored onto paper. A smile fuels much fixing papers]. I’ll let this blogg fade out to Survivor’s “In the Burning Heart”…I expect it will be grand, and look forward!